PoeticStreetz

If your child misbehaves, you know the answer,
Take out the rod and show who’s the master.
Tell him if he doesn’t follow, exactly what you say
You’ll take him out this world just like you brought him in that day
Beat the living daylights out of him until he complies
Never take out a moment to speak to his heart and mind
Don’t read research books, that’s completely absurd
Perpetuate the cycle of confusion and do what YOU learned
Cause back in the day…
Our parents didn’t tolerate disrespect
Of for that matter, any other foolishness
We did what they said
And there was no question
Never assisted our parents with character
Even if they needed the correction…
-PT

After serious reflection and contemplation I’ve come to this conclusion….Black parenting makes absolutely no sense. If you have to spank your child for the same thing over and over again, obviously the spankings aren’t working. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out, but many of us, act as if it does. We have been brainwashed by our own upbringings.

Our only resolve to the lack of character development within our children seems to be “the mighty rod of correction.” We say it all the time, “spare the rod, spoil the child,” but like a wise woman in church said one day… “It doesn’t say abuse the rod either.” More often than not, the dominating traits within our child(ren) are manifestations of our characters or lack thereof.

I have yet to find an African American parent that will say, “Yea, Shaniqua is lying because I have the tendency to embellish the truth while talking to my girlfriends over the phone.” It’s a harsh reality but we need to start owning our own mess. Children only mimic what they see, and what we see as microscopic in nature is actually magnified 100 times in a child’s eyes.

Spankings, time-outs or demonstrations don’t always work, and sometimes they actually backfire because you only get temporary compliance. Your child(ren) will act out when you’re not around because he/she has only learned not to make decisions around the enforcer and when I say decisions I mean exactly that…….decisions. Children have to feel free to make decisions and they will not always be what we think are correct. If they don’t feel safe enough around you to make them, they will try testing the waters in school and other environments where you have no control. Does that mean we spank or beat them?

Have you ever tried talking or working through a problem together? Yeah, I know this sounds absurd to black parents, but as absurd as it is…..it works at times. Your child not only learns critical thinking, but that you actually care. Discipline does not always have to be negative. As a matter of fact I prefer instruction rather than the word discipline. Kids hate that word and discipline implies the need to control.

Ask yourself, what is it that you want for your child? Do you want an obedient adolescent that listens to every wind and doctrine or one that thinks for him/herself based off their own convictions? I chose the latter but the process of getting there is still rocket science to me right now. Parenting is difficult and it takes actual work. I believe people immediately spank their kids because it’s the easiest solution, especially if you’re tired, just got in from work or are trying to keep people from thinking that you’re this soft, passive parent.

Please don’t think I’m saying spankings should be ruled out altogether. That is definitely not the case. Some things call for a spanking but you have to discern what those things are and you still have to talk to your child(ren).

Now, I haven’t completely figured out everything but I know one thing is for sure; I won’t be providing the same consequences and expecting different results.

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