If your child misbehaves, you know the answer,
Take out the rod and show who’s the master.
Tell him if he doesn’t follow, exactly what you say
You’ll take him out this world just like you brought him in that day
Beat the living daylights out of him until he complies
Never take out a moment to speak to his heart and mind
Don’t read research books, that’s completely absurd
Perpetuate the cycle of confusion and do what YOU learned
Cause back in the day…
Our parents didn’t tolerate disrespect
Of for that matter, any other foolishness
We did what they said
And there was no question
Never assisted our parents with character
Even if they needed the correction…
-PT
After serious reflection and contemplation I’ve come to this conclusion….Black parenting makes absolutely no sense. If you have to spank your child for the same thing over and over again, obviously the spankings aren’t working. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out, but many of us, act as if it does. We have been brainwashed by our own upbringings.
Our only resolve to the lack of character development within our children seems to be “the mighty rod of correction.” We say it all the time, “spare the rod, spoil the child,” but like a wise woman in church said one day… “It doesn’t say abuse the rod either.” More often than not, the dominating traits within our child(ren) are manifestations of our characters or lack thereof.
I have yet to find an African American parent that will say, “Yea, Shaniqua is lying because I have the tendency to embellish the truth while talking to my girlfriends over the phone.” It’s a harsh reality but we need to start owning our own mess. Children only mimic what they see, and what we see as microscopic in nature is actually magnified 100 times in a child’s eyes.
Spankings, time-outs or demonstrations don’t always work, and sometimes they actually backfire because you only get temporary compliance. Your child(ren) will act out when you’re not around because he/she has only learned not to make decisions around the enforcer and when I say decisions I mean exactly that…….decisions. Children have to feel free to make decisions and they will not always be what we think are correct. If they don’t feel safe enough around you to make them, they will try testing the waters in school and other environments where you have no control. Does that mean we spank or beat them?
Have you ever tried talking or working through a problem together? Yeah, I know this sounds absurd to black parents, but as absurd as it is…..it works at times. Your child not only learns critical thinking, but that you actually care. Discipline does not always have to be negative. As a matter of fact I prefer instruction rather than the word discipline. Kids hate that word and discipline implies the need to control.
Ask yourself, what is it that you want for your child? Do you want an obedient adolescent that listens to every wind and doctrine or one that thinks for him/herself based off their own convictions? I chose the latter but the process of getting there is still rocket science to me right now. Parenting is difficult and it takes actual work. I believe people immediately spank their kids because it’s the easiest solution, especially if you’re tired, just got in from work or are trying to keep people from thinking that you’re this soft, passive parent.
Please don’t think I’m saying spankings should be ruled out altogether. That is definitely not the case. Some things call for a spanking but you have to discern what those things are and you still have to talk to your child(ren).
Now, I haven’t completely figured out everything but I know one thing is for sure; I won’t be providing the same consequences and expecting different results.
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Fellow Readers,
It's been some time since I've been up here. As you all know, life happens and sometimes, people happen....if you get my drift. Some just know how to push those buttons and leave you in a rut, left fending for yourself, because they said something to question your character or take you out of character. Nevertheless,I can't really blame them for my own mishaps, because when it comes down to it, I am responsible for my own behavior. Sometimes it can be difficult. You may find yourself grown still acting like a child, wanting to punch someone in the face for something they did or said. Stress takes its toll on you and you don't have time or may not feel like doing anything else because, in the words of my fellow co-worker.....you're drained.
I say all this to say...."I simply did not have time to post stuff." You ever have so much crap happening to you that you thought someone was conspiring against you? I mean "A" might not even know "B" but you just feel somehow, they are connected, because there is literally, no way possible for everything to seemingly go on a decline at the same time.
You have to agree with what I'm saying. Problems are enemies to no one. You can be the wealthiest in the world and still have problems. What I don't get is why, people act like you shouldn't have them and that you should always be on your "A" game. Excuse me, unless you have supernatural abilities, you will fall off at some point. Whether it be from posting to your blog, relationship, parenting, working or what have you....you will not perfect everything in your life time. So give people a break. Let them come up for air. And most of all, give yourself one. You have to get dry mouth from talking about people so much. If you give yourself a break and provide others mercy, maybe you will avoid the white crust that forms on the cracks of your mouth from talking so much and the stench of halitosis.
Somebody said that in order for someone to want to follow a blog, you have to talk about people. How about....let's talk about our own junk. If we start there, we'll talk for days. Anyways.......
Sorry for chatting you up. Time for me to give my mouth a break..well, my fingers. I should be more current with my posts now, however,that doesn't mean my problems have subsided....it just means I now have time and energy.
image found at: www.kf6nvr.net/blog/archives/cat_work.html
Dear Imprisoned Voice,
I apologize for the lies that I use to disguise you, for the emotional abuse you cried through. My sincerest regrets for wanting to reject you, then conveniently upset you, by forcing you to come from beneath your hiding place.
Please once again make haste and chase any and every vulgar, irrefutable outrageous
And outlandish item discussed within your presence, because my words recently roll off my lips like heaven. But not in the sense of being a place of rest, just one of distress when the individual discovers my words to be untruthful but initially easy to digest.
I beg you dissect all that is uncovered. Find a way to overcome this lover of acceptance. Force me to release you and stop being reckless—provide you leverage and wisdom…..
Controlled from the folds within this cranium so that I can unlock you from the chains that have stained my character.
Sincerely,
ProfoundThought
(image found at: www.soldiersperspective.us/.../ )